Relationships Part 5: Games People Play

I was recently introduced to Amy Webb's TED talk on how she hacked online dating. While hilarious, and quite true and correct statistically,  I must admit that the message she left me with was simple, "to get what you want, make your own rules."

In today's day and age, all of us with our own individual talents,  our unique personalities,  and our little quirks are looking for that uniquely different match. What really matters is how far are you willing to go, to get what you want. Ultimately its down to your efforts and luck, but what also matters is how much are you willing to put into the relationship.

That is hoping you know what you want. It's surprising to see how many people don't know what they want, and keep shuttling from pillar to post, in search of that perfect someone.  Those people ultimately end up confused. I like A's eyes, and B's smile, and C's style... go on order a kabab platter... a little bit of everyone ;)

Then there are those who have converted dating into a game.

"If you ask her out one evening,  and she says she's busy,  you must refuse to go out with her the next two times she asks you, saying you are busy (even if you aren't)! That's how one must play the dating game," says a friend. I think that's funny, for it sounds like a clear case of ego. The games people play!

I once heard, 'Treat a woman like a Queen and she'll make you her King, treat her like a game and she'll tell you how it's played.'

To each his/her own, remember you make your own rules, you may not find what you want, but if you try sometimes,  well you just might find, you get what you need. Oh and remember to thank Rolling Stones for that!

Relationships Part 4 : Celebrate and Cherish

Okay so you and your 'Mr.Right' are together. What next? Life falls into a security zone. Do you lie back, relax and take it easy or... ? In my opinion, that is when the real challenge starts!

How do you make sure that you don't fall into the routine of dull, drab and boring lives? Remember the other person fell in love with you, you with all your little quirks and eccentricities. If you give up on them, are you the same person he loved?

Many a times women complain, "Oh my boyfriend doesn't have time for me anymore!" Do you give him the reason to make time for you? I know of a couple who broke up because the guy was happy to meet his friends every weekend but had not met his girlfriend for three months. When asked why, he replied, "I don't have to make excuses at home to go and have fun with my friends!" Note the key element here is having fun. Are you the same 'fun' person he met when he fell in love with you.

My best friend often complained, "My husband used to send me a card every day we were courting, now that we are married, he doesn't do it anymore." Guess what, she wasn't the same woman he courted either. Chemistry takes a huge hit when the sweet nothings vanish! How do you bump up your lovability quotient then?

The answer is very simple, actually, and it lies in the phrase “stay the same” Just because you are married doesn't mean you stop sending that sweet little sms, every now and then. Unpredictability goes a long way in adding spice to life, especially if it's about those little surprises that anyone will love. Making a persons favorite dish, baking cookies or a cake for no reason at all, dressing in you best dress on a weekend, leaving a little post-it note where the other is bound to find it, a candle light dinner, a sporty Sunday afternoon out, getting him something he likes, I could go on and on, but these are some of the sure shot ways of igniting that spark, and keeping you relationship new, forever. Oh and let's not underestimate the power of a compliment! Just a simple, "good job parking the car" works better than "oh you look amazing" when the other person is actually looking drab. Keep it genuine. 

A friend of mine writes a few lines of appreciation for her husband every now and then on Facebook. People find this the exhibition a tad over. I think it's cute. Instead of the threat of  "Whatever you do tonight goes on Facebook tomorrow", the occasional "Feeling wow, this is what my sweet husband did", is infinitesimally better, according to me.

Yet another friend puts up pictures of her amazing weekend with her husband week after week. Life is about being grateful for what you have, and if you don’t have that, make enough moments and memories to be grateful for! The attitude of gratitude goes a long way in maintaining a relationship. Just don’t sit there like a cat thinking you are ‘God’, and you deserve everything because you have a relationship. Go ahead and make your relationship a dream come true, everyday.

Cherish and celebrate your relationships. Personally I believe you don't need a beach for the above setting. A terrace works equally well, and while you think of your own dreams and bringing them to life, you can borrow mine meanwhile. Give yourself that fairytale!

Relationships Part 3 : The Hit Factor

"What does the word Hit-o-meter mean to you?" Err... 'how many hits your blog gets?' I answered with full honesty, oh and modesty too wondering how I would fare on the Hit-o-meter, when a friend asked me that question. One of the speeches in recent times that has really inspired me. Incase you were wondering, the speech was about domestic violence amongst celebrity couples. Thank you Yashika Khanna, for that most persuasive, passionate and powerful speech! 

Another very powerful speech that left me thinking was given by another very powerful speaker Varun Kotwal, who kept saying "women are responsible"... and then did an amazing spin and play on words by saying "it's indeed we men, who are responsible."

Are they really? Is it the men who are to blame here? Or does somewhere deep down, the responsibility lie with us? Are women really the innocent victims? In my opinion the only thing women do wrong in this case is that they take the abuse.

How many of us have heard that neighbor fighting with his wife, but the question here is how many of us have ever done anything against it? Some abused women believe that they can stop the abuse if they just act differently. Others feel pressured to stay in the relationship because of family norms, peer pressure, social stigma and what not. 

Ladies it's not about you! If he is abusive, he clearly has a problem. If he hits you, he needs anger management courses. Stop blaming yourselves, stop taking the hits. Personally, women, respect yourself enough to say that your hit-o-meter quotient would never go above zero. If a man lifts a hand, step up and say "you lift a finger to hit me, and I lift a finger to dial the cops." 

If it is to be, it has to be me. Change has to begin with us. Lets start by teaching ourselves not to bow down to hits. Let's start by teaching our sons and brothers that instead of finding the 'right woman,' they should focus on being the 'right man.' 

Relationships Part 2 : The Doormat

"Oh really officer, it's a one way, oh I know that, I was just lost and thought I'd stop next to you to ask you the way!" Honestly, that has bailed me out of a number of situations. I have always believed females have an undue advantage. They can get away with a lot with just a smile. What they can't get by being smart, they surely can by being dumb.

Then I wonder what happens to these super smart women when they meet a guy. "Oh you know he loved me, but he also became interested in someone, or many someones." Wake up and smell the coffee lady, he probably didn't in the first place. Love is not like toffees one can give out to all and sundry. So how to make sure that a guy respects you enough to never do that to you. Start by respecting yourself!

There are men out there who say, "How can you settle for one woman, A has nice eyes, B has nice hair... the list goes on, and on". You are not a commodity, you are the package deal, be proud of it.

There are friends who behave as if it's the end of the world, trust me it never ends. Just ask Nostradamus. Oh wait, he died, but still the world didn't end. 'I will always love him', and the question is why? He dumped you or cheated on you and you will always love him. Does that sound stupid only to me? Oh and the classic, "We broke up, I gave the rotten toe-rag a piece of my mind, later I apologized." Umm lady, you just admitted he was a rotten toe-rag, who left you for someone else, and you told him so, and then you apologized? Was that for being dumped by him or for showing him the mirror?

Raise your self esteem. Don't wait for a Mr.Right to come into your life to break you out of your shell. Cinderella had a fairy God mother, you probably don't! So take the 'do it yourself kit route.' 

Most girls don't realize that they are beautiful, and end up with guys who don't compliment them enough, finally resulting in an even lower self esteem. First thing one should do is believe in yourself. Look into the mirror first thing every morning and say I am beautiful inside and outside and I am completely worth it!

Treat yourself (and others too), like you wish them to treat you. With respect, and if you don't like being the doormat, get off the floor!

Relationships Part 1 : So You're Single

‘How to know if he really into you?’ ‘How to make him love you?’ ‘How to get him back?’  These are the three topics that most of my friends are talking about, and yet getting dumped, upset and heartbroken. Listening to them and reading their Facebook statuses got me thinking.

As a girl, are you looking for a guy who can’t say “I love you,” who may leave you if he finds better pastures, or who is with you only for the chase and rush of the game. Girls, wake up… you or your life is not a game. Every girl deserves a man who says, “She is my one and only, yes she is beautiful, and she is mine.” Don’t settle for anything less. You are an amazing woman, remember that, you have to be, you’re on my friends list!


Yes, there are the secret crushes, the stolen kisses, those lovely dates no one knows about. Don't rush it through, get to know the person well, before you are sure. Oh, and do remember to enjoy yourself. Coward is a person who makes the other fall in love if he/she has no intention of seeing it through. Don't do it to anyone, and don't let anyone do it to you. 


To get the real priceless stone one has to dig really deep into the mine. Most guys don’t because they are afraid it’s too much work. Instead they settle for the cheaper easier ones. So the diamonds deep down think there’s something wrong with them. Wait for the right person who is brave enough to toil because he has realized how amazing you are.


Another mistake girls often make, is trying to keep them interested. Girls, just be yourselves. For God’s sake and for your own sakes too, do not give up on your identity. Do not try and be someone else to keep him interested. The person meant for you wouldn’t need to be kept interested, because he would know you are interesting. The only thing you should have to do to “keep him interested” is to be you. There are no perfect people, just imperfect ones, loving each other perfectly, flaws et all!


Then there is the other extreme, girls who just stop making the effort after they get married. Oh, and guys too! Remember relationships are a two way street. The guy loved you when you dressed up and dolled up… the kick of being in love, of going on a date, of candle light dinners, dances and the romance… If you stop dressing up for it, don’t be surprised if all that vanishes from your life too.


Dress up for yourselves girls, go out drinking (only if you drink, do not change who you are to be socially acceptable or to impress people) and dancing, wear that little black dress for no reason at all, join an art or cooking class, go scuba diving if you will, go to a spa, in short pamper yourselves… live your life. If you have a guy in your life who is falling in love with you for this, good, if you don’t have someone in your life, good! Do it to express yourself, and not to impress a guy.


I wrote this for all the wonderful friends in my life who are currently single and facing relationship problems. If you are a girl reading this… keep your heels, head and standards high, because you are worth it.


I have just one thing to say to any suitor, ‘Of course I’m single, but you’re gonna have to be amazing to change that!’