Superhero

I'm looking for my superhero, every girl is

Who ain't afraid to call a girl 'his'

Who doesn't wear a cape or 'S' across his chest 

But when he is with you he gives you his best

Who makes time when you need him

Even though his day appeared to be full to the brim

I'm looking for my superhero...

Who makes sure you know You're appreciated through thick and thin 

Who makes you happy and have a little glow within

Not a man who earns millions but he who makes you feel like a million

His touch to your life not an armour or a stallion 

I'm looking for my superhero...

And after a long dreary day, when nothing seems to go your way

That someone to hold you and say,

'Soon Someday...

Things will start looking up, and flowers will bloom again

I am with you now and will be with you then'

I'm looking for my superhero, every girl is!

The Harsh Word

It's easy to get angry, it's even easier to shout back when the other person is shouting, or using cuss words. When a woman chooses not to argue back, she is just giving you time to think what is more important to you, your ego or your equation with her!

For those who feel that screaming at a woman is completely okay simply because they're male... Think again! A spoken word cannot be reversed... 

There are times when you may feel the other person is flying off the handle, my question is 'Is that your problem or their's?' 

You know what's worse than one person shouting on the phone? It's two people shouting! Hang up! Wait for the other person to cool off. Hanging up is not always a sign of immaturity. Sometimes it takes great courage to do it. 

Let the other person realize his/her mistake. Meanwhile evaluate your relationship, if you're okay with this kind of drama in your life.. Go ahead, if not, let it go!

Sometimes it's better to walk away from such people, not because you're quitting, you're not. You have done your best and are just being a bit more respectful to yourself.

Goodbye is not an end, but the beginning of love you deserve to have. Start by loving yourself!

A little smile - A little magic!

21st may 2014...
Since I started the blog, I knew I wanted to post something special today.  However, with my crazy work schedule, I feared I wouldn't have time to write something deserving. I was having a cup of coffee  where I saw this person I admire so much again, Gnanendra!

To give you a little background, I met Gnanendra a few months ago, when Mom and I decided to have a little tete-a-tete with some of the ladies in the family. As we entered Costa Cafe in GK 2, I called the waiter, he was busy and probably didn't hear me, and since we needed a few more chairs at the table, I started pulling some. He was immediately by my side, smiling and getting the chairs. I looked at his name tag, it said 'Gnanendra'. I then proceeded to tell him my order, he pointed to the cash counter, and then to another one of his colleagues. He was still smiling when he put a notebook and pen in my hand, pointed to his ears and mouth and shook his head sideways. A mute, and deaf waiter serving us with a smile... and we complain! 

I sit here on the 8th anniversary of the greatest tragedy my family has known, reflecting on the last 8 years. Hindsight is indeed 100 percent. Some of the things I once knew, I have moved away from. I have made it my personal journey of making everyday count. Sometimes I wonder: Would he be proud of me? Would he see how far I have come? Am I proud of myself? Do I even realise how much I have accomplished in the last 8 years?

Yes, I have had to deal with tragedy. But through that tragedy I have BLOOMED.  I have learned to appreciate each day as a special gift.  I try to look at people with just a little more tenderness in my heart. I try just a little harder each day to smile and to make others smile. Even though I cried throughout the day today, as I'm sure I will every year on this day, I know in my heart of hearts that I will see him, who I miss so much, someday.  I have no doubt that as he look down upon me, he is telling his co-bridge players:  "She has made such wonderful choices".  

I know there are so many more stories that have happened in the last 8 years, as I moved halfway across the country. From making pepper rasam and jalebis, to giving a helping hand to those in need, to running towards danger rather than away from it, he is remembered now, and always will be. As I get ready to start another new year, I hope that this next one will be smoother, and I will have a strong support system on earth as I have in heaven.  

'Life is not about hoping for a better tomorrow, life is about living in today'. Who knows if there will be a tomorrow, for my Dad, there wasn't one beyond 21st May 2006. Life is about finding workable solutions for today. For counting the blessings we have, rather than what we will have someday. Life is to be lived, to the fullest. Oh and if you meet someone along the way, who you think needs a little magic in his/her life, give the person a little smile, like Gnanendra does, like my Dad did, like I hope someday I will be able to!

Relationships Part 5: Games People Play

I was recently introduced to Amy Webb's TED talk on how she hacked online dating. While hilarious, and quite true and correct statistically,  I must admit that the message she left me with was simple, "to get what you want, make your own rules."

In today's day and age, all of us with our own individual talents,  our unique personalities,  and our little quirks are looking for that uniquely different match. What really matters is how far are you willing to go, to get what you want. Ultimately its down to your efforts and luck, but what also matters is how much are you willing to put into the relationship.

That is hoping you know what you want. It's surprising to see how many people don't know what they want, and keep shuttling from pillar to post, in search of that perfect someone.  Those people ultimately end up confused. I like A's eyes, and B's smile, and C's style... go on order a kabab platter... a little bit of everyone ;)

Then there are those who have converted dating into a game.

"If you ask her out one evening,  and she says she's busy,  you must refuse to go out with her the next two times she asks you, saying you are busy (even if you aren't)! That's how one must play the dating game," says a friend. I think that's funny, for it sounds like a clear case of ego. The games people play!

I once heard, 'Treat a woman like a Queen and she'll make you her King, treat her like a game and she'll tell you how it's played.'

To each his/her own, remember you make your own rules, you may not find what you want, but if you try sometimes,  well you just might find, you get what you need. Oh and remember to thank Rolling Stones for that!

Relationships Part 4 : Celebrate and Cherish

Okay so you and your 'Mr.Right' are together. What next? Life falls into a security zone. Do you lie back, relax and take it easy or... ? In my opinion, that is when the real challenge starts!

How do you make sure that you don't fall into the routine of dull, drab and boring lives? Remember the other person fell in love with you, you with all your little quirks and eccentricities. If you give up on them, are you the same person he loved?

Many a times women complain, "Oh my boyfriend doesn't have time for me anymore!" Do you give him the reason to make time for you? I know of a couple who broke up because the guy was happy to meet his friends every weekend but had not met his girlfriend for three months. When asked why, he replied, "I don't have to make excuses at home to go and have fun with my friends!" Note the key element here is having fun. Are you the same 'fun' person he met when he fell in love with you.

My best friend often complained, "My husband used to send me a card every day we were courting, now that we are married, he doesn't do it anymore." Guess what, she wasn't the same woman he courted either. Chemistry takes a huge hit when the sweet nothings vanish! How do you bump up your lovability quotient then?

The answer is very simple, actually, and it lies in the phrase “stay the same” Just because you are married doesn't mean you stop sending that sweet little sms, every now and then. Unpredictability goes a long way in adding spice to life, especially if it's about those little surprises that anyone will love. Making a persons favorite dish, baking cookies or a cake for no reason at all, dressing in you best dress on a weekend, leaving a little post-it note where the other is bound to find it, a candle light dinner, a sporty Sunday afternoon out, getting him something he likes, I could go on and on, but these are some of the sure shot ways of igniting that spark, and keeping you relationship new, forever. Oh and let's not underestimate the power of a compliment! Just a simple, "good job parking the car" works better than "oh you look amazing" when the other person is actually looking drab. Keep it genuine. 

A friend of mine writes a few lines of appreciation for her husband every now and then on Facebook. People find this the exhibition a tad over. I think it's cute. Instead of the threat of  "Whatever you do tonight goes on Facebook tomorrow", the occasional "Feeling wow, this is what my sweet husband did", is infinitesimally better, according to me.

Yet another friend puts up pictures of her amazing weekend with her husband week after week. Life is about being grateful for what you have, and if you don’t have that, make enough moments and memories to be grateful for! The attitude of gratitude goes a long way in maintaining a relationship. Just don’t sit there like a cat thinking you are ‘God’, and you deserve everything because you have a relationship. Go ahead and make your relationship a dream come true, everyday.

Cherish and celebrate your relationships. Personally I believe you don't need a beach for the above setting. A terrace works equally well, and while you think of your own dreams and bringing them to life, you can borrow mine meanwhile. Give yourself that fairytale!

Relationships Part 3 : The Hit Factor

"What does the word Hit-o-meter mean to you?" Err... 'how many hits your blog gets?' I answered with full honesty, oh and modesty too wondering how I would fare on the Hit-o-meter, when a friend asked me that question. One of the speeches in recent times that has really inspired me. Incase you were wondering, the speech was about domestic violence amongst celebrity couples. Thank you Yashika Khanna, for that most persuasive, passionate and powerful speech! 

Another very powerful speech that left me thinking was given by another very powerful speaker Varun Kotwal, who kept saying "women are responsible"... and then did an amazing spin and play on words by saying "it's indeed we men, who are responsible."

Are they really? Is it the men who are to blame here? Or does somewhere deep down, the responsibility lie with us? Are women really the innocent victims? In my opinion the only thing women do wrong in this case is that they take the abuse.

How many of us have heard that neighbor fighting with his wife, but the question here is how many of us have ever done anything against it? Some abused women believe that they can stop the abuse if they just act differently. Others feel pressured to stay in the relationship because of family norms, peer pressure, social stigma and what not. 

Ladies it's not about you! If he is abusive, he clearly has a problem. If he hits you, he needs anger management courses. Stop blaming yourselves, stop taking the hits. Personally, women, respect yourself enough to say that your hit-o-meter quotient would never go above zero. If a man lifts a hand, step up and say "you lift a finger to hit me, and I lift a finger to dial the cops." 

If it is to be, it has to be me. Change has to begin with us. Lets start by teaching ourselves not to bow down to hits. Let's start by teaching our sons and brothers that instead of finding the 'right woman,' they should focus on being the 'right man.' 

Relationships Part 2 : The Doormat

"Oh really officer, it's a one way, oh I know that, I was just lost and thought I'd stop next to you to ask you the way!" Honestly, that has bailed me out of a number of situations. I have always believed females have an undue advantage. They can get away with a lot with just a smile. What they can't get by being smart, they surely can by being dumb.

Then I wonder what happens to these super smart women when they meet a guy. "Oh you know he loved me, but he also became interested in someone, or many someones." Wake up and smell the coffee lady, he probably didn't in the first place. Love is not like toffees one can give out to all and sundry. So how to make sure that a guy respects you enough to never do that to you. Start by respecting yourself!

There are men out there who say, "How can you settle for one woman, A has nice eyes, B has nice hair... the list goes on, and on". You are not a commodity, you are the package deal, be proud of it.

There are friends who behave as if it's the end of the world, trust me it never ends. Just ask Nostradamus. Oh wait, he died, but still the world didn't end. 'I will always love him', and the question is why? He dumped you or cheated on you and you will always love him. Does that sound stupid only to me? Oh and the classic, "We broke up, I gave the rotten toe-rag a piece of my mind, later I apologized." Umm lady, you just admitted he was a rotten toe-rag, who left you for someone else, and you told him so, and then you apologized? Was that for being dumped by him or for showing him the mirror?

Raise your self esteem. Don't wait for a Mr.Right to come into your life to break you out of your shell. Cinderella had a fairy God mother, you probably don't! So take the 'do it yourself kit route.' 

Most girls don't realize that they are beautiful, and end up with guys who don't compliment them enough, finally resulting in an even lower self esteem. First thing one should do is believe in yourself. Look into the mirror first thing every morning and say I am beautiful inside and outside and I am completely worth it!

Treat yourself (and others too), like you wish them to treat you. With respect, and if you don't like being the doormat, get off the floor!